Connecting with What You Want with Heather Chauvin

Connecting with What You Want with Heather Chauvin

Tara Newman: Hey, hey bold leaders. Welcome to another episode of The Bold Leadership Revolution podcast and today we have with us a very special guest and her name is Heather Chauvin. 

Heather’s known for teaching driven ambitious mothers how to find alignment and avoid burnout in a simple and relatable manner. She speaks from her personal experience as a mother of three boys, wife, and spiritual learnings from her stage four cancer diagnosis in 2013. Heather has been featured as a TEDx speaker, “Dying To Be a Good Mother” is her TEDx and has been featured in Huffington Post, CTV, the OWN network, podcasts, and radio all around. I very rarely take on guests on this podcast, however, knowing Heather the way I do, knowing her message the way I do, knowing my audience the way I do, I felt like it was imperative to have her as a guest on this podcast and to share her story and the lessons that she’s learned along the way. So I hope you really enjoy this. I had a great time talking to Heather. She’s amazing. Go check her out.

Tara Newman:        Hey Heather, thanks so much for joining us today on The Bold Leadership Revolution podcast. 

Heather Chauvin: Hi, I am so excited to be here. Thank you. 

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Tara Newman: So I want to be in full transparency that I do not take guests usually that are outside of my community or not a client. This is a solo podcast. However, there’s always once in a while that somebody comes along that has a message that is so powerful that I think really needs to reach my audience. And you are someone who I’ve heard your story, I’ve watched your TED Talk, you and I have connected through social media and through Zoom. And I really want you to come on this podcast and share your story and share some of the advice and wisdom you have for mothers and women today around leadership, around life, around business. So can you start off by telling us your story?

Heather Chauvin:         Yes. So I’m like, where do you want me to start our stories? Isn’t it funny how I find a lot of times we were like, “oh no big deal. It’s just a story.” But realizing that we are leaders, what I truly believe without a doubt, is that motherhood is a leadership role and we need to start owning that. So I’m going to start kind of, I mean my story goes way back, but I’m gonna start when I became a mother. So I have three boys, they’re 14,  nine, and six. And so it was 14 years ago when I looked at my son for the first time and had this aha moment, more of like a holy shit moment. But it was this aha moment of, for whatever reason, something clicked inside of me and it wasn’t-it was like, I need to become the person that I most desire you to be.

I literally, I have goosebumps just saying that right now. And from that moment, so I was 18 when I had my son and I became a mother. From that moment I knew I was already a statistical disaster, right? And in my mind, I just kept visualizing- and my mantra at the time, I didn’t even know what a mantra was, was I did not want to become like a teen pregnancy statistic-and I just kept going and going, what do I want him to pursue? What do I want him to be? And the craziest thing was that I was giving myself permission to do all of the things that were deep within me. But now my why was bigger, right? It was beyond me. And this was the first time in my life that my why was beyond me, that I had a bigger purpose.

So I’m doing all of these things. I’m #hustling, we could talk about that later, but relationship with hustle and I’m go, go, go. I put myself through university when I, you know, didn’t even have the credits to go, got a social work degree, fell in love with child development and mental health and mindfulness. I started meditating because I wanted my son to meditate, because I thought it was his problem and I was projecting all of my fear, all of my anxiety onto him. And I was like, you’re angry, you’re anxious, you need to meditate. And it was the first time I realized this whole theory of like projection and nearing and I’m like, “Oh, oh, I’m projecting my fears onto you. Okay, I get this now.” So he really cracked me open to this possibility of spiritual development. Had no idea what it was.

So then I decided to leave my corporate job as a social worker. Everyday I would go to work and I always- there was two things that happened to me. One, I could always feel my soul was like slowly leaving my body. And I started looking at my friends and colleagues and, you know, the conversations that we would have about people and clients and cases. There was no emotional attachment anymore. And I could feel this, like, sadness, like, “oh my gosh, everyone can’t see it, but like, they’re so disconnected.” It’s like trauma, right? They’re so disconnected from like making a difference in the world. 

And I would also always see people labeling children, but never getting to the root cause. Like, “Oh, this child is behavioral, this child is this.” And I was like, yeah, no shit. Like, look at what they’ve been through. Like, do they not have coping strategies? This is your job to teach them. So I took this passion and desire and I, kind of, went online and went through that world of, you know, I’m a little bit of a rebel too, so blazing my own path. So five years ago, I was doing this about seven, eight years ago and I’m going, I’m doing, I’m building my business- and you’ll figure out why I’m laughing in a second- building my business, absolutely loving what I do. But I wasn’t giving myself full permission to like go all in. It wasn’t a business at that point. It was an expensive hobby. And my husband was okay with that because, you know, as long as I paid for the groceries and I had a few hundred dollars around Christmas time, like, we were good. Who needs vacations? Who needs extra clean underwear? Like it’s okay. We just, you got to wear them until like the holes were out. 

Tara Newman: I’m going to bookmark this for later down the line Good. Go on. 

Heather Chauvin: Okay, perfect. The holy underwear?

Tara Newman: Yeah. And the whole concept. 

Heather Chauvin: Okay, cool. Okay. Cause I’m like, I got more underwear stories. I should tell you about the time I had to, I actually borrowed underwear from my friend cause I wouldn’t even go shopping for myself, because this is how much I was neglecting my own needs. 

So then five years ago as I’m building my online coaching business, and so passionate about what I do, my whole business was focused around child. Child, child, child, let’s transform the child. And women would say things to me like, I don’t have time for this. I can’t implement these tools and strategies with my children. You know, and there was just little flags here and there. And so we would work on those things, but I didn’t, the light bulb did not go off. So at this time, my youngest, who’s now six, was a year old. I’m breastfeeding. I’m literally doing all these consult calls. My body is sending me signs and symptoms chronically like, stop Heather.

Tara Newman: How old are you here? 

Heather Chauvin:          So I was 27 at the time, 33 now. I’m an old soul in a younger body. I never, finally in the last five plus years, I’m like, okay, all my friends are older than me. But growing up I always felt, like, light years ahead of people. So yeah, I was 27 at the time and my body is just like, I’m not doing well, I’m lethargic, I’m chronically overwhelmed, exhausted, all of these things. But every time I sought professional help, the feedback I would receive is this is just a phase. Just a phase, it’s normal. You’re, you know, you’re a mom of young children. This is fine. You’re, you know, you’re running a business, you’re trying to do this. I’m like, okay, this is normal. Literally physicians telling me this, it’s normal, it’s normal. Or they’re like, you know, try to get some rest, go for a little walk, drink a green smoothie. So I’m like, all right, I’m doing all this, go to yoga, whatever. 

Okay, my abdomen is swollen at this point and I send a picture, I take a picture in front of the mirror and I send it to my sister who is a physician. She doesn’t live around me, so I don’t see her very often. And her first response is go to the emergency room immediately. And I’m like, all right, there she goes, freaking out again. Like maybe I have a gluten allergy. I don’t know. My first thought is I don’t have time to figure this out. Like I don’t have time. I have a life. I know I’m going to be sitting there forever. It’s going to be test after test and nobody is going to tell me anything. So I’m just not even going to bother. 

Finally, the pain got so bad as my abdomen continued to swell and swell, I went to a clinic and they thought my appendix had erupted or something, but the pain, there was no pain there. So they were like, “Heather, if this gets worse, you need to go to emergency room.” So I’m like, “oh, fine, people overreacting.” Finally I go to the emergency room. I left the first time because I’m staring at everybody in there- I’m like, I’m not bleeding. Like, why am I here? Why am I here? I’m like, I’m not in that much pain. So I left. 

The next day I came back with my husband. He said, “I am not leaving you here. I’m going to physically hold your hand and keep you here until you are seen.” You want to know the creepy part. Okay. This is where the fun part happens. I go in, I get a CT of my abdomen, routine blood work, and they’re waiting for me and the nurse comes in and she’s, and then her energy, her whole demeanor changes and I was like, “shit, there’s something going on.” Like I could just tell it in the air.

I can tell the energy has shifted. The doctor walks in, I mean, we’re a few hours in and she looks at me. She said, “Heather, based on your CT,you have tumors growing all over your abdomen, and based on that and your blood work and your age- you have cancer. We know you have cancer. We just don’t know what type of cancer or how- the progression of it. 

Tara Newman: But it must have been so far along, because they say, like, by the time you feel pain, or like heck, your abdomen is bloated. Yeah. I mean you must’ve been pretty far along. 

Heather Chauvin: Well it was stage four at that point and my, the creepy part is I already knew, like, the second she told me it was confirmation. It was confirmation. It’s like when you’re pregnant, you know you’re having a boy and then they tell you, it’s a boy or a girl or whatever.

Like it’s the female intuition. I just wasn’t listening to it. 

Tara Newman: When do you think you knew? 

Heather Chauvin: Months before. I even said that weird things to my husband and he’s like, do you remember telling me that? And I’m like, no. But my brain was so not there. Like I was in burnout mode. I was chronically, like, it was just ridiculous how much I was neglecting myself. I was barely eating because I didn’t know how to eat. I was like, this isn’t organic. I can’t eat it. I don’t know what to eat. Like, I was just so overwhelmed. I feel like I was sick for years and years before. So when I was finally diagnosed, of course I was in a crisis state. The, I had stage four, a sporadic Burkitt’s. So Burkitt’s, it’s a lymphoma. So Burkitt’s is, it’s like a dormant, it’s a rapid growing cancer.

But- I’m not an expert on this by any means, but it’s like it could be dormant in your body and then once it’s active, it’s just very fast growing. The positive of that is it’s very receptive to chemo. So I was Googling all holistic ways. I had to surrender to Western medicine. Right? When you’re in this holistic, alternative world or personal development, people were literally giving me every article on how- I could tell you it all- these things are going to save my life. And I’m like, yes, but when you’re already in a crisis state, this isn’t being proactive, like, hello people. 

So I surrendered. I did traditional chemo and that was a whole spiritual growth development in itself. But because the tumors were so rapid growing chemo was very, very receptive. So at that time, I just remember that night when I walked out of the hospital and you know, she said, you have cancer, I remember walking out, it was December 21st and where I live, it should have been snowing. It should’ve been snowing, but it was raining. 

And I looked up in the sky and I said, I don’t know who or what I’m talking to. You finally have my attention. And I walk slower to the car. I just, you know, time stopped, and I looked around and I was like, why am I in such a rush? Why am I not paying attention to my life? Why am I go, go, go, go, go numbing myself out? And, and that’s where everything changed in my business, in the way I feel, the interactions in my relationships, my message. It impacted how I show up every single day in my life, who I interact with. It was a transformational moment. 

Tara Newman: The reason why I asked you to share is because I think when we share our stories, it’s so powerful for others because they can borrow from our stories. And what I want people to take away from your story is that it’s time to wake up.

It’s time to wake up. Like I have this deep fear and belief that leaders today are an endangered species, that we are burning out at rapid and alarming rates. And while we think that its society, its demands, and while we think it’s the Facebook algorithm, and the red notifications that elicit a brain response from us that create these addictions to social media or distraction or whatever, right? The attention economy that we’re living in, that we all have so much choice and discernment in this moment. So, I know that there are people who are like, okay, Tara, but how’s this my wake up call? I don’t have cancer. And you and I were talking before we got on here and you had such a great response to people who say this to you.

Heather Chauvin: Well, I think everyone has their cancer in their life. So a lot of women who are attracted to me come to me because one of their pain points is parenting. Like, they truly feel like they’re failing as a mother and, or they’re just like, I’m exhausted, I’m overwhelmed. It might be a relationship, it could be money. Like we all have those things in our life that when you’re avoiding something, it will just explode in your face eventually to get your attention. 

And so I’ve said to people, this is your cancer diagnosis. What are you going to do about it? Of course, you know, we have that fight or flight response in anything in life. And I remember being so scared, so afraid of judgment, like fear of failure, but really it’s like the fear of success or something. But when I was backed into the corner, this is the craziest part- I grew up with this sense of extremely low self esteem. I had no confidence. I had no motivation or perseverance and I was just like, what’s the point of life? What’s the point of living? And I really had no motivation to figure that out. 

When my son came along, I knew I had to figure it out. It was like another spark ignited me. But when I was pushed against the wall and my biggest fear, right, which is most human fear, the fear of death, right? Or fear of loss. I was like, you need to figure out how to live. You literally need to figure out how to feel alive. This is not about, you know, purchasing a course that is about finding your purpose. This is about how do you energize yourself and feel when you have no energy because you just went through four ridiculous rounds of chemo. You’re bald, you can barely keep your eyes open. You have three boys who need you. You have a husband who literally is staring at you going, “I can’t do this by myself,” and you need them to show up. How do you do that and feel alive? 

And that was where it was transformational in kind of the whole aspect of leadership to me, especially. Now I’m on this, I never connected to like idea of feminism before for some reason. Maybe because I grew up with like a single mom who, you know, worked. I have no idea. I was like, “Oh yeah..yeah” It was this weird thing. And now I’m like, “ladies, where is this oppression coming from?” Like, why don’t you think you can have what you want? Why do you not think you can create the space for yourself? Why do you feel that you need to ask everybody for permission before you wipe your ass, or literally leave your house, or go on vacation by yourself or say, no, I’m not cooking that meal, or I am not doing this or I’m not doing that.

And I realized that so much of what, where I got myself was is I did not think I was worthy of literally feeling alive and energized. Okay. And looking back I’m like, well my mother didn’t feel like that. My grandmother didn’t feel like that. Her grandmother. And, like, this is a female lineage coming from generation to generation. It’s my responsibility. One, I’ve been gifted this opportunity, I still have optimal time. My health is beyond what it’s ever been. I feel amazing and I know myself now more than I ever have. It is my responsibility as a human being who feels called to lead in a certain way. That is leadership and it is selfish of me not to teach them, you know.

Tara Newman: I can resonate with what you are saying so much. As a matter of fact, you said something in your TED talk about how you’re in the hospital bed and you are trying to connect to what you wanted and you sat down and you just started asking yourself like what do I want? What do I desire? What do I crave? And that resonated with me so much is because women and wanting are in such conflict.

I’ve experienced this myself, the book, Thinking and Grow Rich, chapter two, I laugh about this all the time, chapter two is desire. I shut the book. I’m like, I don’t know what you mean. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Like, I don’t, desire, what? And it was such a sticking point for me that I have a daily journaling practice around asking myself the question, what do you want? 

Because I need to get clarity on that. And it’s a practice and it’s a habit that I’ve had to create because once I started actually wanting things was when my business exploded, when I had desire that went beyond whatever what was right in front of me, superficial or anything like that, was really when my business exploded. And I can remember the moment in my life where I shut wanting down and I really had to go back and I had to heal that.

And some of the things that you were writing that you wanted were so profound to me. 

Heather Chauvin: Like a bath? That I wanted hair? 

Tara Newman: Ya, share that. 

Heather Chauvin: Yes. I actually wanted to shave my head before I lost my hair and I wanted to dye my hair purple. So I want, I always tell people I want, I desire, I crave and I’ll make my clients- and women in general- it’s like, do this for yourself. Just take out pen and paper, pull over the side of the road if you’re listening to this while you’re driving, like you have time, it takes two minutes and you’re like, I want… and I would just say I want a bath, like immediate things. Right. 

So right now in this moment I would say I want to stretch. I want to go for a walk. I want- I was going to say, I want to have like a really juicy conversation with someone, but I feel like that’s happening right now in this moment. And you just ask yourself like, I want a glass of water and then giving yourself permission to like dream bigger. I want to travel the world.  I know on my, it’s not really a bucket list, but my I want or desire list is to travel long periods of time with my children and to figure out global schooling and homeschooling. I don’t want to be traditional, but it’s like it is a desire that’s like on my heart right now. And so I just keep feeding into that. Like what is that? What is that? What is that? But if I shut it down, I am not going to be able to manifest it. It’s not going to come true and it’s just going to sit there dormant and it’s been sent inside of me.

But I would say things like, yes, I want hair. I want to be able to walk. I want to be able to stay awake for longer than five minutes. I want to be able to cuddle with my children. I want to be able to make a meal. I remember, picking my kids up from school for the first time was like, oh my gosh, that was a field trip in itself. I remember going out to dinner with my husband on a date night and I walked into this restaurant for the first time. I was like, first time I was out in public and I was so overwhelmed, I started to cry. And he’s like, what are you crying at? What are you crying about? And I said, yes, you have no idea how much you take for granted being able to be out in public. And he was like, I don’t get it. And I said, you, you never will, hopefully. But in this moment I have such deep gratitude because I’ve experienced the opposite. 

And I started, this is when I started shifting my work with, with parents and women. Like what do you want? What is that relationship? How do you want to feel? This is the thing too. It’s not what you want- I learned this from Danielle Laporte,  the desire map- it’s not what you want. It’s not the big house that you want. It’s not the money that you want. It’s the feeling that you think it’s going to give you, which is why you get the big house or the money and you’re like, I’m not happy. So I started diving into desire, I want these things, but why do I want them? Because it’s going to make me feel pretty, it’s going to make me feel secure. It’s going to make me, this is going to make me that. 

And then I started asking myself, like, one of my core desired feelings at the time was strong or connected. What can I do right now in this moment to feel strong? What can I do to feel connected? So with my boys it was, I’m going to turn the TV off and I’m just gonna put my-cell phones weren’t that big back then to be honest, so I wasn’t addicted to it as much, but like I put my phone away- and it was like, let’s just be right here. Me and you kids. I also notice things like everyone wanting to take my children away from me to help me and they would voice like, I just want to be with you. So that was cultivating and creating connection. 

Feeling strong-it was like, get up Heather, take a shower. Like just something little. So I tried to feed the feeling that I desired instead of like that material outer goal, or subject, or item that I was trying to achieve. Does that make sense? 

Tara Newman: 100% sense. I think that that’s a disconnect for people. I think they feel like their desire has to be a thing. It’s something that I have definitely struggled with them, I’m kind of more of a minimalist. And I consider myself a servant leader. Like I’m really lit up by serving others and seeing others succeed and seeing other’s business grow. Businesses grow, watching people really own things for themselves and be bold in their leadership. It’s not about me, it’s about that feeling of watching other-connecting with that essence. So it was really hard for me, especially in the online space where so much is about material, like you know the men with the Lamborghini lifestyle or the women with…

Heather Chauvin: Yeah, I haven’t seen your photos yet. Your branded perfect photos of you on your Lamborghini.

Tara Newman: You know, where like women who are like in front of the Eiffel Tower with their macaroons or whatever it is that they’re doing, like this was so disconnected for me. Cause the things that I want are actually feelings and I tell people that I write my vision every day and I was reading my vision to somebody to give them an example and I realize my vision wasn’t about any one particular thing. It was like feelings, and embodiment, and essence, and those things that I want. It’s squishing, it’s intangible. And I think that’s probably why people have a hard time connecting with it. 

Heather Chauvin: You know what I find funny about this conversation, which is probably why we connect, being in the online space as well. I said I will never call myself a business coach. I will call myself a leadership coach. But I got into this because of my love and passion of helping children feel amazing in their own body and mind. That’s it. Like that is what, you know, keeps me going. 

But in order to do that, I have to get a parent present. I have to, you know, help them see and understand where their children are coming from, which is going against a current in the parenting culture, and then it’s going against the current of, you know, how women and motherhood is. And then I see this like helping people really manage their fear because I’ll see so many people say, oh, can you help me do this? Can you help me do that? And I’m like, yes I can, “but you don’t have a couch to 60k program.” And I’m like, “no. But you can get those results when you are driving your inner leadership. Like, when you are cultivating who you want to be.” 

But it’s not about selfies every day. It’s not about go, go,go, hustle, hustle, hustle. Because I work with so many people and I know so many people who, yes, you’ve manifested the money, you’ve made the money, you have, you know, checked off those, you know, where you’ve gotten the PR or the whatever, and you’re still not satisfied and it’s because you’re so disconnected from your message, your impact. Like why did you start this? And when you go to bed at night thinking, am I failing as a mother? You’re so disconnected from your inner values. 

And I think you and I are both seeing a shift in the conversation, especially in the online world of people reading through the BS and starting to see like they want authenticity and they want people who have gotten the results that they’re seeking. Not people who were like, hey, I started my business last week and now I’m going to teach you to do the same thing. It’s truly about experience and living through that. 

And then showing someone like, this is what worked for me, doesn’t necessarily- I find for so many women, I’m not teaching them, like, I know people come in and you know, they think they’re going to get one thing and they get something else-but too often I’m teaching people how to trust their own instincts. Like, here’s my, here’s my template. Like, this is what works for me. What part of this feels good to you and what doesn’t. Now, the part that doesn’t make it your own and always trust your gut. 

Tara Newman: Yeah. I think that we have managed to brainwash people into believing that they need a blueprint or a formula. And, you know, that is incredibly detrimental and harmful to business owners because at some point there’s not a goddamn blueprint for cancer.

There’s not a fucking blueprint for bankruptcy. There was no formula for me on how to move through that, how to navigate that. There was no formula for you on how to navigate what you were going through that required leadership, which is not purely a logical experience. It is an emotional and spiritual experience and it’s one that requires both critical thinking and embodiment. 

Heather Chauvin: You know, I love that you say that because I remember it was this like balance- oh, I didn’t even like the word balance- it was the alignment between trusting the healthcare practitioners that I was surrounded with where I didn’t have control over that, while trying not to be over controlling. Like trying to surrender, but thinking outside of the box.

I remember when my oncologist was like, you know, your treatment is done. Go home. And I said, are you kidding me? Like, what’s my next step? What’s the recovery process? Oh, we don’t have, we don’t deal with that, nor do we refer you to anybody. But because I was already advocating for myself and taking that ownership, I was already seeking, like, how do I restore my body physically.

I remember I’m telling my oncologist I want to run a marathon. Never ran a marathon in my life. But I thought, heck, if I can go through this, I can go through anything. And it seems like, it seems like a bucket list thing that people do after they go through a disease or illness. For whatever reason, I was just giving myself permission. It was on my, I want list, I want to run a marathon. I said “if I start running, is my cancer going to come back?” Like I was so afraid and she looked at me, she’s like, “I don’t know, like just go do it.”

And I was so, so, so afraid, I had to figure out how to move through that fear. But really I had to figure out how to trust myself again. I had to not only trust myself again to learn how to trust myself for the first time in areas that I wasn’t willing to, that I can actually do this even if it scares me, who cares? You can run the whole- you could walk the whole marathon- like just show up to the starting line. Just, like, one foot in front of the other. You’ll cross the finish line eventually. And then when I showed up, I realized like I was running with all the 80 year olds and I’m like, “nice, they showed up to the race.” And I realized that’s what life is all about is just about showing up and going, I don’t know what I’m doing, but I said yes because it was a desire and I’m going to do it, and you know, I had that inner calling so I trusted that instinct and I just took action.

Tara Newman:          Jesse Itzler, Sarah Blakely’s husband, he talks about foot in the door, figure it out later, and I love that. Like I quote that all the time, just like Tara, just get your foot in the door and figure it out later, because so many people stay waiting and stuck for that perfect moment. 

Heather Chauvin: My husband says “fire.” I always like fire and then aim. I shoot something, I just do it backwards all the time. And he’s like, you always make it happen. And like, what’s the worst that’s going to happen? Like seriously, what’s the worst that’s going to happen? He’s like, you just, you shoot and then you aim. And I’m like, yep, we’re going to figure it out. 

Tara Newman: I think that I always have to give my bias when I give my perspective on things because I think that’s healthy and I don’t want anybody to misconstrues construe what I’m saying. I take a great amount of responsibility for the fact that I podcast and that I put message out there. 

And so I always give the bias that when I look at things and go, what’s the worst that can happen? I go bankrupt? I lose everything? Like, I’ve already done that, you know? And you have a similar thing, like what’s the worst that can happen, I’m on death’s door? Like you’ve been there.

Heather Chauvin: And failing at something. I was watching your story the other day and you were talking about failure. It’s like failing at something as part of the process, but when you’re so afraid of it, like what’s the biggest know, your biggest fear? Fear of dying, or fear of something bad happening. Someone you love, and you’re like, who cares? If I throw a noodle at the wall and it doesn’t stick? I just figure it out.

Like, you put a Facebook post up or a Facebook live and people don’t like it or they make fun of you, who cares? They’re going to forget about it in like seven to 10 days anyways. 

Tara Newman: It took me awhile to figure that out. 

Heather Chauvin: But yes, they’re so into their own head. They’re just like, oh my God, how do I look? I could never do that. 

Tara Newman: Yeah. I want us to, we’re going to touch really briefly before we wrap it up- only because I’m sitting at lunch with my mother the other day and she said something and it was a Heather moment- so I want to read, I wrote it down. I want to read, what she said, and you’re going to be like, oh my gosh. So she says, “women make some money and then say that’s enough. They set such a lower bar for their financial worth than men do and then expect so much more of themselves.”

You just had a rant about this on your Instagram. 

Heather Chauvin: I feel like I rant about this all the time. I was at a retreat, I was hosting a retreat last weekend, and I will often hear this from women. Like, my job pays a lot, I should be satisfied. I have the partner, I have the children, I have the money, the career, I should be happy. And Byron Katie, if you know who Byron Katie is, she’s amazing. She always says stop shitting all over yourself.

But I think too often it’s like, why is that okay? Why is that enough? My biggest lesson in this was when I was like, “oh, I’m making it. I’m okay. I’m making enough money.” And then the second I was diagnosed, I was like, shit, I have no money to pay for any of my recovery. Like any of it. I have nothing to pay these extra bills. 

So again, it’s coming back to that analogy of like your cup needs to run over in abundance. Why? You can give so much more when you have more. So why do we put this pressure on ourselves? Like mental pressure. It’s all inner pressure that we put on ourselves of what we are required to put out into the world, but then we limit and block what we receive. And so that is how life works, right? If you, everything is cyclical. Like if you look at any nature, at any natural system, it’s all a cycle. But yet when this giving and receiving as a cycle as well, and when we’re giving, giving, giving, giving, and we’re not receiving, hello, of course there’s going to be a disconnect. Of course you’re going to get sick, of course you’re going to feel like not enough.

So yeah, to me it’s an epidemic. And I think as women, we need to start asking ourselves why and be brave enough and bold enough to start changing that system and to start bringing the cycle back. And then when people ask you, well, why are you doing that? Or oh, must be nice. Then you can just give them an invitation to look at their limiting beliefs as well. 

Tara Newman: Yeah, I, you know, so my son right now is 13. He’s really close to your kid’s age, and he’s really excited to be starting a little business with his friend. And I ran into the mom,  his friend’s mom at school the other night. And she said to me, cause I work from home and she doesn’t, she works for somebody else and she’s, “oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. He seems like you’re always at your house. Is that okay?”

And I’m like, first of all, I’m always home. It’s okay. Like, that’s why I do this. It’s the life I chose, what I created for this very reason. And she was like, “you’re so amazing” and that “he comes home and he tells me what you’re teaching them,”- cause I’m obviously helping them set up this business, right. At my kitchen table we’re doing little lessons. And yeah, I was telling her about a retreat that I led and I’m very fucking unapologetic about the money I make about the service I deliver, about how I show up, and how I lead in the world. Not because I’m an asshole, but because I want other women to see what is possible for them.

It’s so important that I not dull my shine, to use a term that’s probably a little overused, so that they can see, if they choose to, and she chose to. She was like, “that’s amazing. That retreat sounds amazing. I can’t believe you get to go and do that for work.” Right. And she wasn’t laughing, like, I don’t know who you think you are. I, in that moment, she thought twice about the choices that she makes for herself and what she’s going to claim for herself. She didn’t say that to me, but I know that she’s walking away with a sliver of what’s possible for her to step into if and when she chooses to step into it. 

Heather Chauvin: Yeah. And it can just be the subtle shifts, right? Like, oh, so many women I talked to about putting boundaries around their time. And- especially if you’re an employee- productivity. You don’t need to be there 40 hours a week. I’m sorry. Okay. And it’s a whole other conversation. 

I’ve had few with women already and they just ask for what they want and they get it. Like, oh, I’ve got Fridays off. Oh I get to leave an hour earlier. And you know, I told my boss it was a 90 day trial and they were happy because my productivity was even better. It’s like your value is not on your time, it’s not dollar per hour. And it’s so beautiful to see that when you become your potential, like you give yourself permission to step into that, everyone around you is affected. Of course you’re going to trigger people, right. People might not be as open to receiving…

Tara Newman:          That’s a gift. Because triggering somebody else is a gift because that trigger is like the rainbow leading to a pot of gold.

Heather Chauvin:          Yup. And of course you’re going to have that as well. And the people that are willing to look at their triggers and say, “wow, I have something to work on” rather than blaming and shaming. You don’t want those people around you anyways. When you become who you were born to be and it feels light, and it feels in alignment, and you’re like, “I love this. I love waking up every morning. I love going to bed. This is easy.” Of course we’re all going to have resistance and responsibilities, but when there’s a more state of flow in your life, it doesn’t matter how many children you have, how many businesses you run, just please understand that there is possibility for change. And when you become that, you just sprinkle that stuff all over and people are like, yes, yes, yes. You’re showing them what is possible for them.

Tara Newman:         Yeah. I want to wrap this up because I want to be respectful of everybody’s time involved. But I like leaving my podcast listeners with something that’s actionable that they can take away from this episode and maybe in 15 minutes receive some kind of a result. I have an idea. Do you have an idea of what we can leave them with? 

Heather Chauvin: Well, I was going to say the I want list. 

Tara Newman: Yeah!

Heather Chauvin: Yay. I’m reading your mind. We’re on the same wavelength. You know, simply just write down on a piece of paper “I want…” and if want is too strong of a word you, put I desire, or I crave, give yourself, like put on a timer three to five minutes and just write. Like, free flow, right? Every thought, every word that comes to your mind. And then to challenge yourself to see if this actually works.

Just pick one of those things and circle it and make it happen ASAP. It could be a glass of water, it could be a bubble bath, anything you have to ask and create space for it in your life. And then just repeat that process about a million times and you’re good to go. 

Tara Newman: I want to add to this because I know my people and your people, and I want to say don’t overthink it. Don’t overcomplicate it. Don’t make it mean something. There’s no right or wrong way to do this. You can’t screw this up, right? 

Heather Chauvin: We work with similar people. What else are we missing? What else? Your husband will be okay with it. 

Tara Newman: Yeah, it’s all good. So, and I would love, and I know that Heather would love to hear what is on your want list. And I know Heather and I both hang out pretty regularly over on Instagram. I’m @TheTaraNewman and Heather is @MomIsInControl. Where else can they find you?

Heather Chauvin: Like you said, Instagram. My podcast, Mom Is In Control podcast. I’m doing a 365 day podcast, so a daily podcast this year. It was a big, bold choice on my end to do that. But the reason why I did it was because I have to hit submit, and I have to create content, and I cannot overthink it, Tara. I just have to do it and put it out there. 

The feedback has been tremendous. I give a lot of strategic, like quick action steps, and pull back the layers on parenting, and business, and life in general. So yeah, you can find me iTunes, Spotify, anywhere and that’s mainly where I’m hanging out or my website, which is just

Tara Newman: It’s a great podcast. I highly recommend it. Thanks for coming on today, Heather.

Heather Chauvin:          Thanks Tara. 

Now, if this conversation was interesting to you and felt unique and a little different, I want you to do me a favor. I want you to take me up on my invitation to join The BRAVE Society. So if you’re a female, small business owner, this is likely your community if you’re resonating with this podcast and the things we’re talking about over here, because they are very much the essence of how we talk about things in The BRAVE Society.

The BRAVE Society was founded on three basic principles. One: Community. How can we come together and become a marketplace of business owners where we can do business together, where we can open doors for each other, where we collaborate with like minded, credible business owners.

Two, nobody should ever shortchange their leadership development. I see too many times women spread thin making investments in their businesses as they grow and shortchanging their leadership development and I’m here to solve that problem. You can make the investments that you need to make in say, your marketing, or your branding, or your website, and develop yourself as a leader. 

And the third thing that we come together for is to really stand at the pinnacle of our leadership, which John Maxwell talks a lot about in his work. And he says that we’re the pinnacle of our leadership when we are a leader who develops leaders, who develops leaders. And what I ask the women of The BRAVE Society to do is to take what they learn in this BRAVE Society and bring it into the world, into their communities, into their families, to their clients, their customers, and to really continue to develop more leaders on this planet. 

If this sounds interesting to you, I want you to go over to the show notes and click on the link or you can come find me on Instagram @TheTaraNewman and ask me any questions you need to you about joining The BRAVE Society.

If you found this podcast valuable, help us develop more bold leaders in the world by sharing this episode with your friends, colleagues, and other bold leaders. Also, if you haven’t done so already, please leave a review. I consider reviews like podcast currency and it’s the one thing you can do to help us out here at The Bold Leadership Revolution HQ. We would be so grateful for it. 

Special thanks goes to Stacey Harris from Uncommonly More who is the producer and editor of this podcast. Go check them out for all your digital marketing and content creation needs. 

Be sure to tune into the next episode to help you embrace your ambition and leave the grind behind.

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